You’ve dreamed of this moment. Ever since you were a little girl, you wanted to be a mom. And that day is almost here. You’ve read all the blogs about what it’s like to be a new mom and you know you are going to rock this motherhood thing.
Then your little one enters the world. The labor is tough and the literal bloody aftermath leaves you weak and tired. And then it dawns on you that you have to take care of this little human. But the blogs didn’t prepare you for what really comes next.
They tell you about the coo’s and adorable little smiles that are probably gas. You can’t wait to see those first steps and watch your baby scarf down mashed peas and bananas.
Those tiny little hands and curled up little toes that will make your heart melt.
Being a new mom is not easy. It’s difficult. Yes, a ton of wonderful things happen; but nothing ever really prepares you for it.
You will be rocking a colicky baby at 2 o’clock in the morning, hallucinating that he’s secretly conspiring with someone to make sure you don’t sleep.
You will go days without showering because you can’t seem to find the energy to get out of bed.
During the day, you’ll watch your little one sleep, and you will awe at this little human you’ve brought into this world.
You will find yourself having thoughts that will scare you. Thoughts that make you want to cry, scream, and throw things. Thoughts that make you think you’ve lost your mind.
You’ll fear taking a shower because you know that when you get out, your baby will be screaming at the top of her lungs. You won’t even be able to cry in the shower since there’s barely even time for a shower.
Your little one will look at you, finally recognizing who you really are. And he’ll smile.
Being a new mom isn’t easy. There are bad days and then there are really bad days. But there are also good days. Days when you might actually consider having another kid.
These examples don’t even touch the mom guilt.
Mom Guilt is the Worst
You’ll sit in the bathroom at work, pumping so that your little one can get “the very best” while you save money on formula. Or you’ll walk by the pumping or breastfeeding mom cursing your body that you couldn’t feed your baby the way you wanted. Maybe you’re the mom who chose formula, but is getting shamed all around you.
You will wake up to go to work and will dread leaving your darling behind. Then you’ll come home ready to snuggle your baby. Only to have feelings of exhilaration thinking about leaving when your baby won’t stop screaming for an hour or more nonstop.
Thoughts of leaving and never coming back will go through your mind. You’ll just want one day on not being needed 24/7.
If you grew up wanting to be a mom, you’ll find that you don’t feel fulfilled in your new role. And you’ll feel guilty that you don’t feel as warm and happy as you had hoped.
This is what it’s like to be a new mom. It’s a roller coaster of absolutely wonderful days and terrible moments.
But guess what?
I’ve got some awesome news for you.
You’ve Got This!
You are not alone in your feelings. You aren’t the only mom in the world to feel this way or to go through these things.
There are millions of moms who feel or have felt just like you. There are moms who have struggled with Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety. Moms who deal with mom guilt and their kids are teens.
I’m going to be transparent with you.
You are not alone in feeling hat you have lost yourself in becoming a mom.
We spend so much time and effort into our kids that it is so easy to lose sight of who we were before or find time for ourselves. You’ll find yourself hiding in the bathroom just to get away from your kids. And that’s totally normal.
I know that I feel that way. Sometimes, I just want to check into a hotel and not go home some nights. I feel stressed out that I’m needed ALL THE TIME!
It is a common misconception that depression equals suicidal thoughts. Sometimes they might; but in most cases, it is simply feeling unhappy and being unable to feel happy. The thoughts you are having are NORMAL! I’m gonna say that again… The thoughts you have as a mom who struggles with depression are normal!
These feelings and thoughts are simply your emotions. You can’t just turn them off. Just like
The other day, my newborn wouldn’t stop crying. And I had a quick thought that ran through my head. “If I threw him across the room, he’d probably stop crying.” I terrified myself with that thought. I knew right away that I needed a few moments.
I know I would never actually throw my kid across the room. But I knew in that moment that I needed to do something else. So I laid him down in his crib for two minutes and went to the other room. I came back and picked him up, ready to console my colicky baby for the next hour.
You might feel like you’ve lost all your happiness. That you will never be yourself again. But you can! You can feel happy and confident and loved! But you have to realize that it isn’t something you can do on your own.
I recommend finding someone like a doctor or life/wellness coach to speak with. It helps to verbalize your feelings and really recognize them.
I used to cry in the shower and repeat over and over, “I just want to be happy.” My thoughts consumed me and I didn’t know what to do. Depressed and without support, I never reached out for help. I learned over time that I needed to take control of my anxiety and depression.
That’s what I found through self-love.
And that’s how I help moms just like you. I focus on thriving through depression by helping you find yourself again through self-love.
Self-love is the very first step toward being your best self. It’s an investment to a better you. But new moms find it hard to invest in themselves. I know you might feel the same way. And that’s ok. Find something like a hobby to bring some form of happiness back into your life. Find time for yourself even if that means staying up for 30 extra minutes at night to read a romance novel.
Schedule a 20-minute Discovery Call to see how you can get started on your journey toward self-love today.
Don’t forget this last thought.
You are an amazing, beautiful and talented woman!
You are a great new mom!
Your depression does not define you. It is simply a small part of the person you truly are.
Alesia is a working mom who fights her way through life, depression, and just plain stupidity. She strives to show others that it is possible to be a bad-ass while you feel like you’re losing your mind. A Bottle of Sanity is a space in which working moms may find easy recipes, parenting tips, and sanity.